Happy Monday friends! Since I’ve recently started showing and the bump is out, I wanted to do a simple post on pregnancy etiquette. I’ve recently spoken with some other expecting mamas and it’s funny what people want to ask or say to us. So, here it is: Things Not to Say to a Pregnant Woman.
- “I hope you have a _____“. I’ve actually gotten this a few times. You hope I have a boy because I already have a girl? Thanks but you actually have no idea what I want, and what I want is a healthy, happy baby. We are having another girl and we are all ecstatic about it. I would have been just as happy with a boy, but the fact that Blaire gets the sister she’s been begging for, a lifelong friend, and besides the face our house is MORE than ready for another princess makes it very exciting that we are adding another girl to the family. A girl is a perfect fit for our family.
- “Wow, you’re really showing!” or “You’re bump is getting so big!” Wow, you’re right, there’s a human being growing inside of me, therefore it’s making my stomach area (and other areas of my body) much larger than normal! And, it will keep getting bigger until the baby comes out, crazy! Lol. Maybe I’m the only one that takes offense to this but I’ve always been self-conscious about my body, and now that I’m pregnant I’m still self-conscious about my body. There are things I love, and things I hate, and you really don’t know how someone feels about themselves. I also feel huge on the inside, but feel pretty good about myself on the outside right now, but if someone were to tell me how big I was getting, I might rethink that and feel like I’m getting bigger than I should, or gaining too much weight. Pregnant people are hormonal, emotional, and yes, self-conscious about their drastically changing bodies. So please say – “you look amazing,” “you look great,” “you look so happy” or anything uplifting and positive.
- “Just wait until _____.” or “Enjoy ____ now because things will change when the baby is here.” I know I won’t be getting any sleep with a newborn, but frankly it’s already hard to sleep with a massive chest and a growing bump. I know two kids will be harder than one, duh. I know lots of people with multiple kids and it looks a whole lot less than glamorous, but I want multiple kids, just like you probably did too. No one said parenting was easy. Instead say “enjoy your pregnancy, I hope it’s wonderful and easy” or something positive. Positive is always a good idea.
- “Was this planned?” No one has asked me this before, but it’s definitely a something some people want to ask when they see a pregnant woman. The answer is, does it really matter? If it wasn’t, you’re probably making it really weird for the expecting couple, and it if was planned, now they’re likely wondering why you asked that. None of your business 🙂
- “Can I Touch?” I am so glad you asked instead of just going for it, however it makes it awkward for me to say no if I really want to. Some days I feel great, and others I feel like a whale. I really don’t want you touching me unless you’re a really good friend, and you follow it up with how amazing you think I look.
- “Did you have to use fertility drugs?” or “It’s about time you got pregnant!” Our girls will be almost 4 and a half years a part, and originally not what I had envisioned for our family. So maybe it’s obvious that we had to use fertility drugs and you just want to be nosy and know more. But, my brother and I were 5 years apart, and that’s exactly how my parents wanted it to be. You could definitely be striking a sensitivity nerve with this question or statement. If they did use drugs or struggle getting pregnant, it could easily trigger heavy emotions and memories of that time. Now, it’s a happy time, so SAY SOMETHING POSITIVE.
Finally – don’t ask when someone is due unless you know 100% that they are actually pregnant. Don’t give unwanted advice, especially if you’re not a close friend or family member. Just stick to the script!
My point is, while these comments or questions may seem very innocent, or they came from a good place where you didn’t mean anything by it, we crazy, hormonal psychos over here may take offense to it! But we will always welcome things like “you look great, you’re still so tiny, you look so happy, you will be a great mom, I’m so excited for you, what a great time in your life!”
If you’re a mom, what did you hate hearing while you were pregnant? If you’re not a mom, what are your thoughts? Does any of this surprise you? Let me know in the comment section 🙂
Also – make sure you download the Smart Moms App because I will be live chatting for an hour this Wednesday! You have my permission to ask me anything then!
Photos in today’s post are by Stephanie of She Saw Style.